How to

4 Steps to Not Pick up Your Dog’s Poop Without Getting Caught

Pick Up Dog Poop | Vanillapup

Why pick up dog poop when you don’t have to? Let the haters hate. Here’s how you can avoid picking up your dog’s poop and not get caught.

How many of you have witnessed dog poop left to decompose on the ground or grass? It’s gross, it’s uncivilised, it’s inconsiderate. Well, it is something I have to live with every day at my estate. While not picking up dog poop is something I fail to understand, I will try my best to think that they have a good reason for not doing it.

Till then and after meeting all kinds of non-poop-pick-uppers, we have come up with some tricks to make sure that you don’t have to pick up dog poop ever in your life. For comic relief, of course.

Step 1: Invest in a filled poop bag carrier

This is a trick that no non-poop-pick-upper I have come across so far is clever enough to use. You might ask, “Why do I need to buy a poop bag carrier with a roll of poop bags if I am not intending to pick up poop?”

Well, let me ask you whether you have seen high-level con jobs in movies without high-tech equipment? If you don’t want to get caught being an inconsiderate human being, you need to make an investment.

As a dog owner who is highly suspicious of any fellow dog owner who doesn’t seem to have a poop bag carrier, I can tell you that flaunting one is the best way to make others let their guard down.

Is that a poop bag carrier I see? *Nod of approval*

Step 2: Vacate from or hover at the scene depending on the situation

This depends on whether there are people around who would potentially witness your dog in action. If the area is all clear, feel free to leave immediately. But if there are people around, hover around, pretending you would eventually get to it, until they leave. This may take forever but it’s better than having to pick up dog poop, right?

Step 3: Find leaves for cover up to make yourself feel better

Another thing you can do is to pick up a few leaves and use them to cover up the poop. Is there a logic to this? No. But I have seen people do it and it seems to make them feel better. So, why not?

Step 4: Always reject poop bag offers and insist you will pick up the dog poop

One more important thing to note is that you need to make sure that you never succumb to pressure.

If a self-righteous stranger catches you and offers you a poop bag, politely say no. You don’t even have to make eye contact. If you are a good liar, you can even confidently tell them you have a poop bag, casually patting your pocket or pointing in any one direction.

And if that person goes on to ask you whether you are going to pick up the poop, immediately say yes. It’s not a crime to take your own sweet time to pick up poop. No one says we need to pick up poop immediately! It’s not even a crime to not pick up poop at all.

Why you should pick up your dog’s poop

For one, you want to be a decent human being and a responsible pet owner. It’s horrible to leave your dog’s poop out for people to accidentally step on or for other dogs to sniff. It’s unhygienic and unsightly. We once saw decomposing dog poop on the ground with worms in it. Why do you want to spoil someone’s day when you can simply pick up your dog’s poop?

Some people may argue that dog poop makes great fertiliser and that they are actually doing some good to the community. I am sorry to burst their bubble, but pet waste damages grass.

In this day and age, not only do we have to fight inequality, poverty, and climate change, we have to fight “poopy” traps in neighbourhoods and parks.

Do you have stories of irresponsible non-poop-pick-uppers or know of ways to encourage dog owners to pick up their dog’s poop? Share them with us!

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Sarah Chong
Founder at Vanillapup
Sarah is Latte's mama. She loves dogs, shopping, travelling, and reading novels. Using her background in social media and advertising, she started Vanillapup in 2013. Latte is her first and only dog, and she finds joy in sharing her learnings as a dog owner with everyone.
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